My Beautiful Life

Yesterday, I sat in utter disbelief — dazed and very sad as my friend’s 34-year old brother was laid to rest. Although he was not someone I knew very closely, he was still someone whom I saw mature along with me and my friends. My heart hurts beyond measure for my friend and her family — for the parents who are saddened to have outlived their son, for the young wife who has been in a complete state of shock of losing her soul mate and for the sister who lost her one and only sibling.

During the funeral service, I pondered deeply about all the relationships I have in my life — one of a sister and what it would be like if I lost my brother or sister, one of a wife and what it would be like if I lost my husband, one of a mother and what it would be like if I lost my child whom I bore for nine months. While I mulled over this, tears quietly slipped down my cheeks. I realized then that my loved ones and my relationships with them are vital to my being and that my life wouldn’t be the same without them.

Losing someone to death is one of the most difficult things to cope with no matter how young or old the deceased may be and no matter how long you knew the person. When I lost my grandfather very unexpectedly two weeks before my high school graduation, I was devastated and my sorrows were immense. I found it very tough to walk on my graduation day because I knew how much my grandfather wanted to see his oldest grandchild succeed in this endeavor. Even 15 years after his death, I still mourn while wishing to visit him more often at his grave and wonder what it would be like to have him around, for him to know what I have accomplished, for him to see all the roles I now play in my life.

I really do live a beautiful life but most of the time, I don’t acknowledge it nearly enough. I gripe and whine profusely at times. I find myself wishing that my life would be different and that some people around me would change. What I don’t often remember is that the people in my life, the personal relationships that I have cultivated are my reason for being, my true essence. These are the gifts that I have been bestowed. It is through such tragic events that I’m reminded to make a much more conscious effort to appreciate the life that God has given me because at any given moment it could end.

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