farahsmusings

Dear God

13 Jul 2012 4 Comments

by Farah's Musings in Dear God, Faith, Prayers Tags: Faith, Fear, God, Grace, Life, Prayer

Dear God,

Thank you for this day. Tomorrow is not promised and I seem to repeatedly forget this. There are a million unanswered questions in my heart about tomorrow and a void is left where those answers belong. I am easily tempted to fill that void with my frustration and anger. On those days that are so painful to walk through, I need to remember that there is a lesson in each experience that You offer me – the lessons that teach me to be more faithful to You. I wish to follow Your lead but very often, during my agonizing trials and tests of faith, I become oblivious of Your genuinely loving whispers and lose hope; that is when I want to seek you the most. Oh, how I forget that You are the Most High, the Almighty – the One whose love can fill the void in my heart. It is during these distressful times that my fears become bigger than my faith — when the light seems to keep getting further out of reach and all I want to do is give up. But then I remember that it is also during these times that when I choose to step outside of my circumstances, I find myself surrendering all of my worries, doubts and fears to You. When I just let it be and return to You, something truly miraculous happens. It is in this void that I find Your grace and Your divine utterance simply reminds me that this precious grace is enough, that Your love and guidance is enough for me to keep striving forward. You continue to work in my life to fill my emptiness so that every moment of my every day is meaningful. My journey remains blessed with Your daily miracles and I find myself wanting to go on, believing in Your miracles and Your way.

Please be present in my heart all the way through. For everything in my life, I thank you!

Love always,
Me

Thoughtful Thursday: Walking In Faith

05 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by Farah's Musings in Encouragement, Faith, Patience, Thoughtful Thursday Tags: Encouragement, Faith, God, Hope, Inspiration, Journey, Life, Patience, Reflections

The path ahead of me is very narrow and obscure with many treacherous twists and bends in the road. The thought to forge ahead when there are no guarantees that the walk will be smooth and pleasant is extremely scary. It takes a lot of guts and a strong-willed mindset to travel down a path where you cannot see where it leads. Time and time again, I wonder if the path I have chosen is where I should be headed or if a fork in the road ahead will result in even more strenuous challenges ahead. I worry. I doubt. I lose all of my hope and faith. Why? Because the rebel within me emerges when I find that the path I have chosen does not lead me to the end of the road as quickly enough as I would like to get there.

And then I hear His whisper, “Patience, my child. You will get there in time.”

Yes, I hear this countless times. But do I really listen and take heed?

No.

Admittedly, this path is not an easy one to travel. When certain things don’t go as I had planned, I feel unsure and unconvinced that my plans are consistent with God’s will. When I feel defeated, I lose any faith I have in myself and in His plans for me. I question myself, “Am I following the right path, the one that He wants me to follow?”

As I stand on this path feeling weary, I ask for the Lord’s guidance relentlessly to help me move forward in life and to not dwell on the past, to look ahead and not behind me where I have already been, to make choices that will serve me better than the ones I have made in the past. But when I don’t hear a clear answer from Him, I feel discouraged.

Actually, I am not being attentive to the answers He wants me to hear or see.

His way of answering my prayers is by the signs that are manifested in my everyday life. Sometimes, I ignore these signs and other times, I am careful to follow His lead. The signs remind me of why my journey is so important for me and how I can make this journey more fulfilling for myself. And to get there, I must choose faith over fear.

I must walk in faith.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

As I was perusing Courage 2 Create today, I started to ponder the following quote on this blog:

“Whereas Hope is the belief that things can get better, Faith is the knowing that things will get better.”

And I began to tell myself these very words: “It is not enough to hope that things will get better. It is not enough to believe that things will get better. I have to KNOW that things WILL get better.”

So I look at the path behind me that I have traveled thus far only to reflect upon the chaotic times that did in fact become easier and calmer, the then-turbulent problems that are now so trivial and the journey that has transformed me from who I was to who I am now. And I recognize that it has only gotten better.

Indeed, I stumble on my journey through the darkest valleys, the raging waters, the heaviest storms and the most dangerous fires that I encounter. But God continues to encourage me along, lighting my way to keep me from sinking. Sometimes, remembering this is all it takes for me to pick myself back up and walk along in faith because I KNOW something wonderful is waiting for me in the end which will make all the difference.

Thoughtful Thursday: A Leap of Faith

10 May 2012 1 Comment

by Farah's Musings in Faith, Family, Relationships, Thoughtful Thursday Tags: Acceptance, Brother, Change, Cherie Cross, Control, Courage, Divine, Faith, Fear, Forgiveness, Friendship, God, Growth, Inspiration, Lesson, Life, Love, Og Mandino, Patience, Relationships, Surrender, Thoughts

In every facet of my life, I encounter fear. It gets the best of me.

As of late, I have been paralyzed with the fear of losing a dear friendship. This is a profoundly divine friendship with my big brother whom I visited daily and with whom I exchanged many thought-provoking conversations in the recent past. These everyday exchanges became somewhat of a normal routine for me and sometimes the only moments of solace that I would actually get to experience. Last month, I chose to leave the company for which we both worked. The thought of not being able to see my brother day after day was beyond disturbing but it was a truth that sooner or later I would need to accept. I feared that our friendship would soon dissipate if I did not do everything in my control to nurture it.

Control. This can get the best of me, too.

In my desire to control and maintain an atmosphere of our friendship similar to what it was like prior to my parting, I became irritated and perturbed when my methods of trying to connect with my brother failed. As a result, I began to doubt my trust in him. My faith wavered when I noticed that our friendship was not continuing the way I would have hoped for it to. In the very few conversations I had with him over the last several weeks, I acted out of fear and anger as I sensed that he did not view the need for growing our friendship through my lens. And there I was, too weak and weary to even focus on my faith in God that he would make things right.

Last Sunday when my brother and I finally connected on the phone, he asked me to take what I would call a gigantic leap of faith – a leap that would mean fully accepting, believing and trusting that he cares about me and our friendship without having to demonstrate or prove it constantly. And that everything will all fall into its own place if there is faith. All I could think was this:

He was asking for too much. And NO way was I going to do that. How could I carry on patiently without knowing that he was okay? How could I be okay with not hearing from him daily when that is what I was accustomed to for so long?

This was going to be a difficult leap and one that was way out of my comfort zone. Not knowing daily how my brother was doing or what was troubling him and not hearing his voice would require a tremendous amount of patience and courage on my part. I was just not ready for that leap; I was not ready to let go. As always, he was very considerate and did not impose any of his notions upon me. He gave me some time to think about whether or not I can take this leap. And he would still be content if I just could not.

At that point, I was in a state of utter confusion and deep introspection. Though I absolutely knew that taking this leap was the best course of action for the growth of our friendship, I questioned any faith that I had in myself. Did I value and love this friendship enough to take such a huge leap? Was there another life lesson to be learned from taking this leap? I could only pray to God diligently and ask him to lead my way.

Over the last few days as I pondered the choice to take the leap or not, I happened to attend one of the most unique and inspirational sessions presented by Cherie Cross on accepting and appreciating human differences as well as our own humanness. The key messages that I learned from this particular session were that people are not out to get you, that you should express your love to the people in your life and believe that they are doing the best with what they can and finally, that what they do or don’t do is NOT PERSONAL; it’s just their style!

Cherie ended the session with a very touching excerpt from Og Mandino’s book called The Greatest Salesman in the World:

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

For this is the greatest secret of success in all ventures. Muscle can split a shield and even destroy life but only the unseen power of love can open the hearts of men and until I master this art I will remain no more than a peddler in the market place. I will make love my greatest weapon and none on whom I call can defend against its force.

My reasoning they may counter; my speech they may distrust; my apparel they may disapprove; my face they may reject and even my bargains may cause them suspicion; yet my love will melt all hearts liken to the sun whose rays soften the coldest clay.

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And how will I act? I will love all manners of men for each has qualities to be admired even though they be hidden. With love I will tear down the wall of suspicion and hate which they have built around their hearts and in its place will I build bridges so that my love may enter their souls.

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And how will I confront each whom I meet? In only one way. In silence and to myself I will address him and say I Love You. Though spoken in silence these words will shine in my eyes, unwrinkle my brow, bring a smile to my lips and echo in my voice; and his heart will be opened. And who is there who will say nay to my goods when his heart feels my love?

I will greet this day with love, and I will succeed.

Interestingly enough, just when Cherie stated the last line of this excerpt, I received a text message from my brother stating “I have faith that you will make it work.” I could not stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. There are no coincidences in life, but rather signs that God has a way of revealing in the right place and at the right time, in His own time. My only thoughts at that moment were that I must let go of the fear that I have about our precious friendship dissolving and surrender to God’s love.

Love is a four-letter word but one so powerful that when offered with the goodness of your heart, it can change the world. I must act out of love for my brother and not in anger, desperation or a need to be right. It is NOT important for me to be right, but rather to get it right – to shower unconditional love in this friendship that will take it a long way, to be understanding of situations that warrant it, to refrain from taking his actions or inactions personally, to be forgiving when mistakes are made or when plans change and to completely trust him knowing that although he may not be able tend to my desires continually, that he really DOES care.

I presume that God is calling me to jump with all my heart and all my strength, and to have faith that He is already there on the other side waiting to catch me; that He will come through for me in the end.

So I eagerly wait to tell my brother this: “I, too, have faith that I will make it work.”

Thoughtful Thursday: Truly Great Friends

03 May 2012 2 Comments

by Farah's Musings in Friends, Relationships, Thoughtful Thursday Tags: Blessing, Family, Friends, Friendship, Life, Memories, People, Relationships

People in my life, the friends that I call my family – they sometimes stay; they sometimes vanish. I try to give my best, my heart and soul to the people I love. And when they are not actively present in my life, it’s painful to leave them and let go, especially that one person, a dear friendship that changed my life the most. I often find myself reminiscing the beautiful memories of that friendship, savoring the jovial conversations and the smiles that were once exchanged, even the times when the smallest deed was appreciated. That friendship will always be a part of my existence because I would not be what I am today if that particular friend did not cross my path. So I reckon that it would be wise to let go and take a moment to pray for that friend because I was destined to meet this soul who will remain a blessing until the very end.

Missing Your Smile

27 Apr 2012 2 Comments

by Farah's Musings in Family, Poetry, Relationships Tags: Birthday, Brother, Divine, Inspire, People, Poem, Reflections, Relationships, Smile, Wisdom

Today, I celebrate a very special day — my big brother’s birthday. I haven’t seen my brother in almost a month now. Oftentimes, I long to see him and hear his voice. My heart misses his angelic smile dearly and I hope that he will enjoy this poem that I have written especially for him.

Missing your smile

I miss that smile,
The smile that only you can speak,
The smile that is so special and unique,
The smile that I will always seek.

I miss that smile,
The smile that was unspoken yet it would inspire,
The smile that illuminated my dismal days when I was in the mire,
The smile that is simply divine and the one I deeply admire.

I miss that smile,
The smile that even without you around, I still see,
The smile that expressed how proud you were of me,
The smile that always greeted me with glee.

I miss that smile, my big brother’s gracious smile,
The smile that would make my troubled heart soften,
The smile that I do not get to see often,
The smile that will never be forgotten.

Thoughtful Thursday: Living My Story With Passion

19 Jan 2012 Leave a comment

by Farah's Musings in Encouragement, Inspiration, Thoughtful Thursday Tags: Gifts, Learning, Life, Living, Making A Difference, Passion, Purpose

Why do I do what I do?

It’s all about passion and living a life of purpose. I don’t ever have to work a single day because I truly love what I do. Each day is filled with profound learning experiences — those that help me grow and in turn allow me to produce even more creative results. The endless desire to make a difference drives me to jump out of bed each morning; it’s what makes me come alive and break free. Knowing that I can enrich even one person’s life is immensely gratifying and fulfilling. Each one of us is bestowed with unique gifts that we willingly offer to the world — for me, leading with these gifts is living my story with passion.

Why do you do what you do?

Thoughtful Thursday: I Tried So Hard

05 Jan 2012 Leave a comment

by Farah's Musings in Encouragement, Thoughtful Thursday Tags: Affirmation, Growth, Learning, Life, Musings, Positivity, Reflections, Thoughts

Sometimes I need to say these four words to myself. Out loud. Especially in those times that I have tried and failed. Though it doesn’t come easy to me, I need to praise myself for trying hard…to fully acknowledge and believe that I gave it my best shot even if the outcome was not what I had hoped…to honor myself for doing what was right and making a difference. To have tried is to have learned…and succeeded. And that is what matters in the end.

Welcoming 2012 With An Open Heart

01 Jan 2012 Leave a comment

by Farah's Musings in Blessings, Change, Inspiration Tags: 2012, Acceptance, Change, Compassion, Discover, Dream, Growth, Imperfections, Inspire, Journey, Liberate, New Year, Nurture, Reflection, Self-Awareness, Serenity, Struggle

I sat on my couch last night, drained from an eventful day anxiously awaiting 2011 to come to an end. As the 365th day of the year was waning, I heartily flipped through my recollections of 2011, reflecting on all of the remarkable manifestations that were revealed, the countless lessons that were learned and the big and bold dreams that were realized. My journey of compassionate self-awareness began around this time last year. I learned in many ways what I’m really made of. I conquered some fears. I tried and succeeded. And sometimes failed. I screamed and cried out loud as I let go of some of the angst and unpleasant events of my past. I made some very dear friends who did not let me forget how important it is to take care of “me”. I questioned some of my own beliefs and really searched hard for what I wanted — I still don’t have all the answers but I know they will come to me when the time is “right”. And I forgave so many in my life, including myself.

2011 was unlike any other years of my life. I felt as if I had lived my last 10 years in just that one year. If I were to encapsulate 2011 in three words, they would be: Struggle, Acceptance and Change.

Struggle. The year was full of internal and external struggles, all of which made me a better, stronger and braver person. While I felt defeated by my own emotions upon encountering several disheartening situations, I learned that struggle is a part of every person’s life. We just all experience it in different ways as we progress on our journey. With each struggle, I recognized the immense opportunities to grow and the many chances to develop my strengths so that I could in the end, celebrate the sweet successes of my life.

Acceptance. This was a tough one for me — a lesson that I probably would not have learned if it were not for a divine angel who appeared in my life not too long ago, my big brother. He often taught me through his experiences that one CAN unconditionally love and accept someone just the way they are despite their imperfections and the hurts that they may have caused. And that what I need to really focus on is the goodness within that person and the value that the person’s presence brings to my life.

I frequently found myself silently reciting my life-long mantra, The Serenity Prayer as I came across situations and people that were beyond my control. My efforts and energies were wasted many times in an attempt to understand why certain people are the way they are — trying to make sense of this was impractical and pointless. I realized that acceptance of others really begins with self-acceptance. And in turn, one can find it easier to forgive oneself and the others. We all have our own flaws and vices — some individuals can willingly accept these, forgive themselves for their own imperfections and move forward to an even greater depth of awareness. Believe me, to forgive was to free my own self of the painful memories that I had harbored in my heart. Forgiveness only led me to experience the serenity that I had been in search of. Honestly speaking, it is still somewhat difficult for me to fully let go of all the expectations I have for myself and for the others in my life…to forgive for what we are and what we can’t be, but I get better each time. I rebound a lot quicker now as I enrich my own being and truly understand the acceptance process. And I am still learning. Every. Single. Day.

Change. Whether I like it or not, this is the only thing that is constant in life. Like a butterfly, I spread my wings to explore the changing emotions within me in search of my soul, joy and creativity. I came to start loving myself as a unique being and appreciate my own personal qualities. As a result, I was transformed into a more loving and giving person. At that moment, I suddenly felt the love of others around me. That is when I savored the very fact that the power of change resides nowhere else, but within me…that when I stumble upon traumatic experiences, it is my optimistic attitude towards those events that will allow me to recognize these as opportunities for growth as opposed to detriments…that it is okay to alter my perspective, step outside of my comfort zone once in a while and discover myself…and that when I wholeheartedly embrace and initiate change, it will only help me thrive in this ever-changing world and liberate myself from the fear and frustrations in life.

So where do I want to go from here? To an even better place than I have been in 2011. I’m ready to welcome another wonderful year with an open heart…eager to enjoy fresh, new adventures and lessons. I can already sense what 2012 will bring to me as I contemplate my goals for the New Year. Perhaps for me, the New Year will be epitomized by these four words: Discover, Liberate, Nurture and Inspire. Who knows? Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I have a lot to look forward to within the next 365 days. I want to dream bigger dreams. I want to create more works of art and indulge my creativity by writing more on my blog. I want to make glorious, amazing mistakes because that is proof enough that I’m trying new things and that I’m not perfect. I want to relinquish even more fears and liberate myself from the troubles that come along my way. I want to really live my life and put myself first without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt while I spend some time in solitude. I want to accept that I cannot be everything to everyone in my life. More importantly, I want to be the change that I wish to see in this world, one person at a time.

And it all begins with ME.

Happy New Year to all!

My Beautiful Life

26 Sep 2011 Leave a comment

by Farah's Musings in Blessings, Family, Inspiration, Relationships Tags: Death, God, Life, Relationships

Yesterday, I sat in utter disbelief — dazed and very sad as my friend’s 34-year old brother was laid to rest. Although he was not someone I knew very closely, he was still someone whom I saw mature along with me and my friends. My heart hurts beyond measure for my friend and her family — for the parents who are saddened to have outlived their son, for the young wife who has been in a complete state of shock of losing her soul mate and for the sister who lost her one and only sibling.

During the funeral service, I pondered deeply about all the relationships I have in my life — one of a sister and what it would be like if I lost my brother or sister, one of a wife and what it would be like if I lost my husband, one of a mother and what it would be like if I lost my child whom I bore for nine months. While I mulled over this, tears quietly slipped down my cheeks. I realized then that my loved ones and my relationships with them are vital to my being and that my life wouldn’t be the same without them.

Losing someone to death is one of the most difficult things to cope with no matter how young or old the deceased may be and no matter how long you knew the person. When I lost my grandfather very unexpectedly two weeks before my high school graduation, I was devastated and my sorrows were immense. I found it very tough to walk on my graduation day because I knew how much my grandfather wanted to see his oldest grandchild succeed in this endeavor. Even 15 years after his death, I still mourn while wishing to visit him more often at his grave and wonder what it would be like to have him around, for him to know what I have accomplished, for him to see all the roles I now play in my life.

I really do live a beautiful life but most of the time, I don’t acknowledge it nearly enough. I gripe and whine profusely at times. I find myself wishing that my life would be different and that some people around me would change. What I don’t often remember is that the people in my life, the personal relationships that I have cultivated are my reason for being, my true essence. These are the gifts that I have been bestowed. It is through such tragic events that I’m reminded to make a much more conscious effort to appreciate the life that God has given me because at any given moment it could end.

A New Beginning

08 Aug 2011 Leave a comment

by Farah's Musings in Blessings, Change Tags: Change, Divine, God, Life, New Beginning, Peace, Perfection, Signs

Perfection is my enemy. For as long as I have been living, I’ve been on a quest for perfection, trying to be the most perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and so on. And for the last few years, I’ve been in pursuit of the perfect time for a new beginning, to start a new chapter in my Life Book. Sometimes I let the precious moments escape my life while I wait and plan for the right time, that perfect moment.

Agitated. Apprehensive. Frightened. Tearful. Excited. Overjoyed. A whole slew of mixed emotions came over me during the last couple weeks as I impatiently awaited an unplanned life-altering answer. I anxiously contemplated the extent to which my personal, family and work life would be transformed by this one answer. I just was not sure if I was completely ready for this sort of roller-coaster experience. On Friday night, I hit my absolute emotional low while I lay in my bed sobbing in deep introspection over the new chapter that I so yearned for but was not granted, at least not for now. My soul became very disheartened as I detested playing the waiting game all this time, only to receive the answer that I did not seek. Questions swirled around my mind in an attempt to understand why I even embraced the idea of a new beginning in my life. Why was I so afraid of facing this change at the outset? And finally when I became willing to accept the much-anticipated metamorphosis of my life, why did it not materialize?

Then it suddenly hit me. The Higher Power was not ready for me to start the new chapter in my Life Book just yet. He knows when it is and when it will be the right time for me. And it will be in that moment that my spirit will know I’m ready for a new beginning. Perhaps the past two weeks of deliberating my wants and unwants was God’s way of getting me prepared for the right time. Perhaps I was destined to experience the few recent mystical signs that have unveiled my true desire and the significance of this new beginning. The divine signs that have brought me inner peace are gentle reminders that God will deliver His best when it is best. I was simply not ready in my heart until today.

So I will continue to play the waiting game yet again…peacefully and patiently this time with high hopes that I will soon journey into a beautiful new chapter of my Life Book.