Missing Your Smile

Smile

Today, I celebrate a very special day — my big brother’s birthday. I haven’t seen my brother in almost a month now. Oftentimes, I long to see him and hear his voice. My heart misses his angelic smile dearly and I hope that he will enjoy this poem that I have written especially for him.

Missing your smile

I miss that smile,
The smile that only you can speak,
The smile that is so special and unique,
The smile that I will always seek.

I miss that smile,
The smile that was unspoken yet it would inspire,
The smile that illuminated my dismal days when I was in the mire,
The smile that is simply divine and the one I deeply admire.

I miss that smile,
The smile that even without you around, I still see,
The smile that expressed how proud you were of me,
The smile that always greeted me with glee.

I miss that smile, my big brother’s gracious smile,
The smile that would make my troubled heart soften,
The smile that I do not get to see often,
The smile that will never be forgotten.

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Welcoming 2012 With An Open Heart

I sat on my couch last night, drained from an eventful day anxiously awaiting 2011 to come to an end. As the 365th day of the year was waning, I heartily flipped through my recollections of 2011, reflecting on all of the remarkable manifestations that were revealed, the countless lessons that were learned and the big and bold dreams that were realized. My journey of compassionate self-awareness began around this time last year. I learned in many ways what I’m really made of. I conquered some fears. I tried and succeeded. And sometimes failed. I screamed and cried out loud as I let go of some of the angst and unpleasant events of my past. I made some very dear friends who did not let me forget how important it is to take care of “me”. I questioned some of my own beliefs and really searched hard for what I wanted — I still don’t have all the answers but I know they will come to me when the time is “right”. And I forgave so many in my life, including myself.

2011 was unlike any other years of my life. I felt as if I had lived my last 10 years in just that one year. If I were to encapsulate 2011 in three words, they would be: Struggle, Acceptance and Change.

Struggle. The year was full of internal and external struggles, all of which made me a better, stronger and braver person. While I felt defeated by my own emotions upon encountering several disheartening situations, I learned that struggle is a part of every person’s life. We just all experience it in different ways as we progress on our journey. With each struggle, I recognized the immense opportunities to grow and the many chances to develop my strengths so that I could in the end, celebrate the sweet successes of my life.

Acceptance. This was a tough one for me — a lesson that I probably would not have learned if it were not for a divine angel who appeared in my life not too long ago, my big brother. He often taught me through his experiences that one CAN unconditionally love and accept someone just the way they are despite their imperfections and the hurts that they may have caused. And that what I need to really focus on is the goodness within that person and the value that the person’s presence brings to my life.

I frequently found myself silently reciting my life-long mantra, The Serenity Prayer as I came across situations and people that were beyond my control. My efforts and energies were wasted many times in an attempt to understand why certain people are the way they are — trying to make sense of this was impractical and pointless. I realized that acceptance of others really begins with self-acceptance. And in turn, one can find it easier to forgive oneself and the others. We all have our own flaws and vices — some individuals can willingly accept these, forgive themselves for their own imperfections and move forward to an even greater depth of awareness. Believe me, to forgive was to free my own self of the painful memories that I had harbored in my heart. Forgiveness only led me to experience the serenity that I had been in search of. Honestly speaking, it is still somewhat difficult for me to fully let go of all the expectations I have for myself and for the others in my life…to forgive for what we are and what we can’t be, but I get better each time. I rebound a lot quicker now as I enrich my own being and truly understand the acceptance process. And I am still learning. Every. Single. Day.

Change. Whether I like it or not, this is the only thing that is constant in life. Like a butterfly, I spread my wings to explore the changing emotions within me in search of my soul, joy and creativity. I came to start loving myself as a unique being and appreciate my own personal qualities. As a result, I was transformed into a more loving and giving person. At that moment, I suddenly felt the love of others around me. That is when I savored the very fact that the power of change resides nowhere else, but within me…that when I stumble upon traumatic experiences, it is my optimistic attitude towards those events that will allow me to recognize these as opportunities for growth as opposed to detriments…that it is okay to alter my perspective, step outside of my comfort zone once in a while and discover myself…and that when I wholeheartedly embrace and initiate change, it will only help me thrive in this ever-changing world and liberate myself from the fear and frustrations in life.

So where do I want to go from here? To an even better place than I have been in 2011. I’m ready to welcome another wonderful year with an open heart…eager to enjoy fresh, new adventures and lessons. I can already sense what 2012 will bring to me as I contemplate my goals for the New Year. Perhaps for me, the New Year will be epitomized by these four words: Discover, Liberate, Nurture and Inspire. Who knows? Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I have a lot to look forward to within the next 365 days. I want to dream bigger dreams. I want to create more works of art and indulge my creativity by writing more on my blog. I want to make glorious, amazing mistakes because that is proof enough that I’m trying new things and that I’m not perfect. I want to relinquish even more fears and liberate myself from the troubles that come along my way. I want to really live my life and put myself first without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt while I spend some time in solitude. I want to accept that I cannot be everything to everyone in my life. More importantly, I want to be the change that I wish to see in this world, one person at a time.

 And it all begins with ME.

 Happy New Year to all!