farahsmusings

They say three’s a charm; but for me, two’s a charm. I had the great honor of meeting two of my very dear friends this week. There is something very unique about true friendship that compels you to embrace it and surround yourself with its goodness.

I had the most phenomenal time this past week with my best friend who lives a million miles away (at least it seems like it). She knows me inside out. We last met a year ago so I was extremely refreshed when we finally had our long-awaited outing. We sat by the lake and watched birds like we did when we skipped classes in high school. We would talk for hours by this lake and we did that day, too. We have always been so deeply connected with each other that even though we may not communicate frequently at times, we still know what exists in each other’s heart without saying a single word.

On Friday night, I was completely taken by surprise when I met one of my other long-distance friends. He was my singing buddy in Montreal, my confidant when I needed a shoulder to cry on, someone who imparted his wisdom when times were very tough and laughed with me in the most awkward situations. We were both amazed that after all these years of not seeing each other, some things just never changed — the kindness, comfort, affection, humor and understanding. We indulged ourselves with the beauty of our yesteryears and absolutely could not stop reminiscing.

True friendships are very close to my heart — they are gifts that I desire to keep forever. Sometimes, friendships change over time, but true friends still accept you the way they have always done no matter how distant they are and no matter what mistakes have been made along the way. True friends are like angels to me – they add blessings to my life. They let me be “me” and appreciate my being.

“When troubled times come, and we don’t know what to do, God sends good friends to help us through.” (Crucifixion: Luke 23:33-46)

Each one of my close friends — somehow, somewhere — has helped me through some very challenging times and brought the best out of me. I am forever grateful for my dear friends who continue to brighten up my darkest days with their sunshine. The presence of their friendship during my journey is an exceptional blessing.

May God bless all my friends in return for their love!

 Today was a very gloomy day. Last night, I got home very late and as I was putting my daughter to sleep, I dozed off right with her. And when I awoke this morning, I was terribly stressed, frantic and nervous — I did not have my alarm set to wake up, her backpack and lunch was not ready, my meds were still waiting for me…it was total chaos! I desperately rushed to get her ready and do what I needed to before dropping her off to school. There was something just not right about today that I felt very emotional and an imperfect mother. As I watched my daughter walk to her classroom, she looked back at me several times as if she hadn’t had enough of me, enough of my smile and reassurance. Smiling was extremely challenging to do today considering the emotional trauma I have experienced in the last week. I sobbed uncontrollably as I saw her go and just could not collect myself.

So I thought about some memories of my life that have brought a smile to my face…

I miss the smile I had when I had my daughter on my birthday. Knowing that she was not due to arrive until a month later, I had no idea she would be here on my special day as the best gift in the world to me.

I miss the smile I had when I skipped school to just hang out with my best friend. We would sit by the lake and chat for hours about our feelings, boys and where we wanted to end up in our life.

I miss the smile I had when one of my friend’s said when I moved away that if nothing else, he will miss seeing my smiling face.

I miss the smile I had when my baby sister whom I absolutely adore gave me a very reassuring hug and said that at the end, everything will be okay.

I just really miss the smile that makes me happy when I see my reflection. I’m hoping to achieve some serenity today to bring that smile back to my face.

My Dearest Self,

I know that life is somewhat chaotic right now and the fact that there are increasing uncertainties makes it harder to deal with everyday life. It may be difficult to handle your current mixed emotions and juggle the balls in the game of life. Perhaps the situations you are faced with may not seem so favorable. Believe it or not, struggle is a part of everyone’s life. The choices we make when we are struggling help us develop the inner strength to progress and not surrender to defeat.

Sometimes it is hard to wear a brave face when all you want to do is sit and cry. Let it all out…whine, cry, kick and scream at the top of your lungs. You will feel better. Then wipe off your tears and let go of your past grievances. Tomorrow will be another new day and perhaps you will see your struggles in a completely different light.

Struggle was obvious while you were growing up so remember all those times that you courageously grasped the obstacles and allowed yourself the opportunities to achieve great wisdom.

Remember the time when…

…you were demanded by Daddy to move to Montreal, Canada — a whole new world for you. You became very rebellious at the time but when you embarked on your journey, you came to develop some very strong friendships — those that you will never forget and those that changed your life forever.

…Mommy had very strong opinions about your close friendship with your childhood best friend. She feared that you would be influenced by her bad habits. You decided to continue your friendship, stood firm and walked away from peer pressure with your remarkable self-confidence. True friendship knows no bounds; it is unconditional love.

…your grandfather passed away two weeks before your high school graduation and you thought about how you could even make it through the proud moment without him. You were the first grandchild to graduate in the family and he longed so much to see you step into adulthood. You “walked” gracefully on your special day and knew in your heart that he was watching you even though he was not physically there.

…you started your married life and moved away from your family to be with the man in your life. Although you endured the pain of being isolated, you enthusiastically embraced independence.

…you stepped into motherhood and your strong-willed heart desired that your daughter only be breastfed. You abandoned your passionate career and suffered the awfully long nights only to give your daughter the best nutrition during the first two years of her life. The beginning was tough but you made it through with your determined soul despite the insurmountable impediments.

…you battled with your daughter’s innumerable nighttime awakenings and wanted her to establish independent sleeping habits. You helped yourself by reading books after books on this subject and solitarily implemented a successful plan of action.

YOUR choice to overcome these obstacles in your life has made you a braver, stronger, smarter and wiser human being. In the coming days, months and years, you will find that your struggles right now will be worth conquering and will bring you closer to self-realization. So hang in there and know that there is always HOPE — the hope that you will some day find the answers to acheive the peace and happiness that quiets your soul and calms your heart.

YOU will be okay.

Lots of love,

Me

Sometimes I want to live a life of solitude and escape from my present surroundings but fear how much pain that would cause my loved ones.

Sometimes I want to express the love in my heart but I get so entangled with the perfection of expressing it that I lose touch with it.

Sometimes I want reveal the person that I truly am and how I really feel but worry about failing to meet the expectations of others.

Sometimes I have conversations with a friend confiding things I never imagined to and through the conversations acquire a very different perspective of life.

Sometimes I need to improve my patience and remember that things will happen when they are supposed to happen.

Sometimes I enjoy re-reading the daily spiritual devotions, night after night because they make me a stronger and more loving person.

Sometimes I want to hide myself in the corner of my closet and cry my heart out.

Sometimes I want a comforting hug because then I know that no matter what happens, everything will really be okay.

Sometimes I want to sing to remember all the beautiful memories of my lifetime.

Sometimes I have very good intentions, but fall quite short.

Sometimes I am battling so hard with self-doubt that these feelings cloud my vision and I have to constantly remind myself to refocus on my purpose in life.

Sometimes I want to take care of me and do it all.

Sometimes I spend the entire day contemplating on life’s most perplexing questions.

Sometimes I think too hard and lose myself in grave confusion.

Sometimes I disengage myself from everyone and everything in life only to regroup myself emotionally so that I can end up in a better place.

Sometimes I reminisce about the sweet memories of my younger years and want to start my life over again.

Sometimes I get teary eyed when my daughter reaches a milestone because she is one step closer to becoming a more independent girl.

Sometimes I love that my husband can be so spontaneous and fulfill the little things when I least expect him to.

Sometimes I am shocked with my own mood swings and really wish that I would think before I act which would make some people very happy.

Sometimes I try really hard to make the best out of my relationships with my family members but can’t openly express my feelings to them.

Sometimes I terribly miss my childhood best friend and wish she were close by.

Sometimes when I face the hard truths of life, I discover myself for who I really am and my ever-changing personality.

Sometimes I can be a strong-willed woman and find the strength to push through and conquer whatever undertaking that has left me feeling defeated.

Sometimes I can’t please others just because I want to be me.

Sometimes I have to write to let it all out.

Sometimes I forget that life is not and will not be perfect even when you plan it closely.

Sometimes I wonder when I become the woman I want to be, will I really be surrounded by peace and happiness with the life I’ve chosen to lead?

I spoke with a friend briefly today on staying young at heart. Although I’ll be one year down soon and quickly approaching my inevitable 40, I want to merely affirm what I believe one can do to stay youthful regardless of their age. These positive statements will forever remind me and others that “you are never too old.”  

Y – YOU – only you can take care of you – believe in yourself, love your life, rejuvenate your mind, body and soul — treat yourself with a snack, your favorite drink or an outing, do what you love and do it with full commitment, watch a movie, meditate, listen to your inner being and satisfy yourself.

O – OPEN your heart to all the joys of life — embrace your life and the lives of people that surround you…live well, laugh often and love always.

U – UNLEASH your greatness by overcoming fears and negativity — wisdom is achieved with a clear and positive mind. Release the thoughts that hold you back and “talk it out” when you need to.

N – NO pain, no gain — life is full of obstacles that we must conquer in order to gain a better understanding of our purpose in life. You wouldn’t know whether you could do something if you never did it. The failures you face will transform and perfect your life.

G – GET yourself in shape and in good health one step at a time even if it is difficult when you are starting out; you will get tremendous energy by being fit.

Your “young” future is in your hands!

After three weeks of daring adventure, I can safely say that I’ve returned with a new ME! My recent trip to my homeland (Karachi, Pakistan) was quite a risky undertaking but what I have learned and gained during that time made the entire trip worthwhile – from each and every encounter to the family bonding to the spirit of human kindness.

2011 will hold an abundance of surprises for me and I’m so ready for them! As I walked in to the New Year on the night of my arrival from Karachi, I knew that this year was going to be full of new beginnings. Instead of “bringing the baggage” with me, I will stay focused in the here and the now, my happiness and my family’s joys. I will enjoy all of my talents to the fullest that I have abandoned in the past. I will allow myself the R & R that I deserve. I consider myself beyond lucky to be in a profession that I am so passionate about and continue to work with such amazing people. I am already making the right choices that are bringing the right results. And most of all, I feel absolutely great!

The transformation of me into a unique individual, an even more courageous woman is remarkably refreshing. I am so excited to see where I will be in a year from now. There is a lot to accomplish and many more opportunistic challenges ahead with rewarding experiences that I anxiously await. The New Year is about the evolution of me and I owe a great deal of gratitude to a very dear friend for showing me the way, the light.

Today, I thank God for each and every moment of happiness that I have been greeted with along my journey. May the New Year bring my family and friends the peace and prosperity that they desire.